shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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