You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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