That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize