is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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