it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You ruined the universe
Randomize
