She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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