that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
