i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
