he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
