i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
