New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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