I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize