when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
