dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
