how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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