No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
