community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
