I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
