The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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