I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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