I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
