Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
