What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
