it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
