I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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