I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
