I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
