i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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