I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize