Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So much rum. So many feels.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
