Just cropdusted the office
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize