I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
