My nipple is on Facebook.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
