**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
