Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
