woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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