Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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