I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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