help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
