My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
