So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up under a house in Key West
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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