I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
