oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
