I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
