TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
