My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
