Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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