This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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