so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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