I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
