at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
