Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
