great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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