I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
