before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
