Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize