K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
