just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize