Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize