Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
