Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
