I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
