whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize