I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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