Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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