That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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