I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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