Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
