Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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