Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize