that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
