I'm so fucking centered right now
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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