Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
